“My Dear Brother…” #3

The advice-giving column keeps running.

My Dear Brother,

My roommate has fallen madly in love since two weeks ago, and I am overjoyed to see that he has regained his zest for life. As much as I felicitate his impending delisting from the bachelors’ market, however, I am getting increasingly anxious regarding the painfully slow progression of his courtship. You see, my roommate is a gentleman with fine decorum, and he always entertained this love interest of his in the living room of our apartment late into the night. Yet, he always stopped short of broaching the thin layer between friendliness and romance.

It is especially painful since I am well-acquainted with both of them and was informed first-hand that she also adores him very much. Not to mention that my much-anticipated LEGO project was brought to an abrupt halt ever since he began expropriating the usage of our living room — the only area spacious enough for my nightly workshop — for the good cause.

I know I can’t possibly inform them of their mutual affection. That would surely ruin their best moment. But I fear that I can’t hold my agitation much longer as far as my altruism and LEGO endeavor is concerned. What shall I do?

Many Thanks,

Name Withheld, 60201 USA

— — —

My Brother,

When asked the quintessential element of a good life, the all-time Russian grandmaster Garry Kasparov urged us to ‘stop being the chess piece and start becoming the player.’ I believe now is a fine opportunity to apply his wisdom to your situation.

Have you heard of Cupid, that lovely chubby kid of Venus and Mars? If you’d like, you may try to fill his shoes. Now your task is much simpler: since the arrow of love has already been successfully deployed, all you have to do is to casually create a felicitous moment for them to feel its force more intimately.

Go inquire about the schedule of your roommate’s next living-room date, then arrive at the scene a few minutes early to set up your LEGO workshop. When they show up, sincerely apologize to them that you’re so into the project that you forgot to vacate. At the same time, immediately start packing up your things.

Now your roommate, gentlemanly as he is, will apologize and try to stop you and propose to move their date into the comfort of his bedroom. You should resist as much as possible and only accept his offer begrudgingly. Here you will have created the perfect space for them to consummate their romantic endeavor, the space that your roommate would otherwise feel too rushed to build.

After all is done, they will thank you for your untimely appearance, and their newly forged bond should free up the living room for your LEGO endeavor.

I hope that helps.

Yours Sincerely,

Dawei